Is Japan right for me? Some things to think about before you buy a one-way ticket to the land of the rising sun

**From personal experience**

It’s been almost 5 years since I moved to Japan. There were ups and downs, especially in the first year, but it gets better every year. However, I still don’t know if I would want to live here forever.

Living and visiting this country are two different things. I visited Japan twice for holiday. The first time was when I was 17, I came to Osaka and stayed for a month to study the Japanese language during summer. The second time was shorter, I think it was for a week or maybe 10 days. I stayed in my friend’s apartment who got a full scholarship from the government. I was 20, or 21. Both times were exciting and left me wanting to stay longer. Then, when I actually moved here in 2015, after 3 months, I regretted my decision and almost gone back to my country.

Japan is fun and weird and amazing and so many more. This country intrigues curiosity for many. A lot of my friends said I’m so lucky to live in Japan. I might have said the same to my friends who lived here before me, or at least thought the same until I realize they might not be so lucky. Japan is nice in Spring there are pretty sakura trees everywhere, it’s so much cleaner and less polluted compared to other countries, and most people have a good manner in public—at least when they’re not drunk. But there are things to think about before you buy that one-way ticket to Japan.

It’s challenging to have a good and deep relationship with the locals.

It’s very lonely and somewhat depressing to live in Japan. I speak Japanese, I went to a university here, and now working in an office where 99% of the employees are Japanese, but I’ve never had a deep friendship with the locals. When I put on make up most of the time people mistook me as a Japanese, or at least half-Japanese, and they’re friendly up to that point. When they realize I’m actually a foreigner, their friendliness remains but I can feel that it’s more of simple curiosity and that their friendliness is what the Japanese called omotenashi.

I tried to go out with some friends from university and colleagues at work, but they all seemed to be alert, and more careful when talking to me. It’s just not natural and exhausting. Some of my foreigner-friends experienced the same thing, some are lucky to meet more open-minded locals and actually make friends with them.

And talking about relationship, I’ve never actually had a Japanese boyfriend. Most of the guys I met in my almost-5-years in Japan are just… not smart enough. Sorry not sorry. However, I have a friend who dated a Japanese guy, and I’m going to write about it in a different post next time. From what she told me, I’m glad I didn’t waste my time trying to date one.

Unwritten rules everywhere.

Japan is a very nice and easy country to live in because there are rules for everything. But, not all of the rules are written.

When I was a student I wasn’t really bothered by these rules; I mean, I was a student and in Japan, I was still considered a ‘kid’ and I’m a foreigner anyway so break the rules! But now I’m working and I’m considered ‘a member of society’ and suddenly an adult, so the expectation raised a lot even though I’m still a foreigner. I’m expected to arrive 5 minutes before any appointments or meetings, not too late of course, but not too soon either because if I arrive 10 minutes early, I will disturb the schedule and make the other people feel that I rushed them to meet me.

Then, I need to always leave some space in my luggage and spare some money to buy souvenirs for my colleagues at work after I went on holiday. I’m not talking about cheap KitKat or Pocky, but the expensive food or snacks sold in a more luxurious shop.

The other thing is, you can’t drink before doing the kanpai—cheers!—and you have to make sure you lower the tip of your glass below your senior or boss’ glass. And hold the bottom of your glass with the other hand, and do a little polite nodding when doing the kanpai. Seriously, drinking after work with your boss is even more tiring than your job itself. And you have to say thank you to your boss the next day for going to drink with you even though you are the one doing all the ordering and making sure he’s having a good time.

Women are expected to look perfect at all times. That is exhausting.

Heels, make up, not sweating during summer, hairless, forever look 25, manicured nails, eyelashes, nice clothes, nice hair. I don’t know how Japanese women can break no sweat in a super humid summer in Japan. I don’t know how they can walk all day in heels. I tried hard to adapt but it’s just impossible.

Women are expected to look perfect all the time, and it’s exhausting for people who are far from perfect (read: me). I don’t know how they have the budget to always get a cute manicure and do the eyelashes extension and perfect hair color all the time. I couldn’t keep up, which made me extremely insecure at some point in my life here.

Japan is fantastic for the right people, but make sure you are right for Japan. I have lots of friends who were excited about Japan, but after some time of actually living here, they know they’re not as lucky as what people told them.

Now, assuming I haven’t scared you off of living in Japan, don’t hesitate to comment or contact me directly if you have any questions or if you’ve bought that one-way ticket and coming here soon. See you in the other posts!